Successful Business Leadership

By: Lowell Habel

Communications Consultant

It can be very challenging to communicate with others in today’s fast-paced, get it done yesterday business world in which we live! There are many reasons for why we have so many problems communicating with others well. And the biggest reason is that most of us have never had any education in this all-important area. In K-12 schools, we learn about writing, math, reading, history, science, etc., however, we never had one hour a day learning about how to more effectively communicate with others! Communication is the very foundation of everything that we do in our lives.

Social scientists use the term ‘communication climate’ to describe the quality of personal relationships within a group of individuals. Climate is affected by the way that individuals communicate with each other. The metaphor is to weather. Often we feel gloomy when the climate outside is gloomy, and we feel better when the climate outside is clear and sunny! As with weather, we can view our communication with others as good or bad depending on certain factors.

To help identify what the climate of an organization is, we can ask the following questions: Do people feel respected? Do they trust one another? Do they believe that they are appreciated?

Characteristics That Create a Positive Climate

Honesty Communication that is truthful and complete.

Openness A willingness to share information and being receptive to others’ ideas.

Predictable behaviors the feeling that you can be counted on.

Respect Treating each other with dignity and honorable regard.

Reduction of Defensiveness

To create a positive business communications climate (environment), a primary goal is to send our behaviors and messages non-defensively. This is easier said than done. We can control our own behaviors; however, we can not control anyone else, although we can affect a change in the system through our own language (verbal and nonverbal). Therefore, we can reduce/minimize defensiveness and its effects by remaining aware of the language of defensiveness and supportiveness.

Below is a list of six types of defense arousing behaviors (ego threatening), and six contrasting behaviors that can lead to the reduction of defensiveness (ego reinforcing).

Ego Threatening Behaviors

Evaluation

Control

Strategy

Neutrality

Superiority

Dogmatism

Ego Reinforcing Behaviors

Freedom

Honesty

Empathy

Equality

Open Mindedness

The following are brief descriptions of each of these behaviors.

Evaluation – Evaluative language can be defined as judgmental, accusatory in nature, and show a lack of regard for another. This type of language can be indicated by verbal words and nonverbal behaviors (tone of voice, eye contact, etc.) that can demonstrate that you disapprove of a person. This disapproval often is interpreted by another that you are attacking them personally. Evaluative language is often very general and vague, and not specific. Often time’s evaluative statements are framed in a “you” or “implied you” form. Examples of this “you form” are: “You talk too much” “Why did you do it like that?” “You don’t listen to me when I talk to you” “That’s a dumb idea!”

Description – This type of language expresses both the speaker’s feelings and the reason for bringing up the matter. The focus is on, “What I’m really feeling about what you are doing or not doing” rather than judging or evaluating the person. The focus is on the issue, rather than attacking the individual. Two examples of a descriptive statement could be: “I get frustrated when we have a conversation and I can’t get a word in” – “Tell me more about how that idea would work in the context of our project.” For the first example, imagine that you were speaking and someone kept interrupting you. You could make an evaluative statement which would probably put them on the defensive (“Would you shut up and let me finish my statement”), or you could make a descriptive statement which would put the person less on the defensive while still getting your point across (you would like them to not interrupt you while you are speaking).

Control – Control can be defined as behavior that is characterized by an outright attempt to influence the choices of another, restricting their choices and imposing a solution on another with no regard for their wants or needs. This type of behavior can be interpreted as you or someone else insisting that things go your way. The unspoken message is, “I know what is best and if you do as I say, we’ll get along just fine!” When we feel that we are being controlled, a common reaction is to rebel – to become defensive. Remember when you were a child growing up and your parents told you to do something that you did not want to do? You felt controlled, that you had no input, and I am sure that you rebelled in some way or another at least once! We do not like it when people have their finger pointing at us and telling us to do things.

Freedom – Although it is not always appropriate to allow others complete freedom to do as they choose, often times others can feel less defensive if they are given some say in the matter at hand, if some options can be presented other than your predetermined ideas of what the solution should be. It is amazing how much we can help people develop and become more competent at their work if we allow them some say, some buy-in to an idea. Maybe you know what a certain thing should look like because of your expertise or years of experience. Others, though, can feel worthwhile if they are made to feel they are involved and are having an impact, too. As an expert, we should want to bring others to where we are if we want our organization to remain competitive and successful.

Strategy – This behavior has as its foundation in ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and manipulation. Strategy can be defined as trying to manipulate another using deceit to achieve your own goals, “Don’t you really think it would be better if we did it this way?” None of us want to be labeled a sucker, a guinea pig – that we were tricked into something. And that is how we often feel if someone has strategized us, or ‘pulled a fast one on us!”. These feelings can lead to defensiveness.

Honesty – Telling it like it is reduces defensiveness. If you want me to help you with something, be honest and straightforward when you ask, and don’t deceive me by hiding your real motives. Even though I may not like what you have to say, your reputation for candor will earn your respect. In this form of the word, ‘honesty is the best policy’.

Neutrality – Neutrality can be defined as demonstrating an air of indifference, an, “I don’t care” attitude. “I don’t value you” is often the message that is interpreted. Neutrality can be interpreted as not caring about how others feel, “We don’t have time to hear about your car accident now, and we have work to do.” Often, “I feel like a number instead of a real person” is a common interpretation when someone is acting in a neutral manner.

Empathy – Empathy is shown through your words and actions that you care about others. The meaning of the word is putting you in another person’s place and trying to see the world from their perspective. It is difficult to see anything through anyone else’s eyes, however, if you want to reduce defensiveness, being empathic can help you immensely. Through empathy, you are showing others that you do value them as another human being, and that they are not “just a number.” Empathy should be the foundation of all good customer service – striving to see things from more perspectives than your own. Read your colleagues and/or customers to strive to discover what they are feeling or questioning – “get in touch” with their world. Everyone would feel a lot less defensive if we all became more empathic.

Superiority – When someone is acting superior, they are maximizing status differences – ‘pulling rank’ on others with title, wealth, expertise, etc. “I’m better than you” – “I’m superior, you’re inferior” are messages that come across. People who act superior communicate that they don’t want to relate on equal terms with others.

Equality – When someone is trying to reduce defensiveness, they should be trying to minimize status differences – treating everyone else as an equally valued contributor. None of us are really superior to anyone else – we may have different strengths or we are very skilled in certain areas – but does that make us better than a colleague or a client? No, we are just different. As a professional, we should strive to set up a more cooperative work platform with others. Managers don’t have to keep reminding employees that they are the boss and have more experience and expertise. Likewise, a client should not have to be reminded that you are the expert. They should see this through your presentation style, your actions, your self-confidence and the fact that you have assembled a unified, highly competent team with whom to work.

Dogmatism – The dogmatic individual is the “know-it-all,” narrow or close minded individual. An example of the type of comment that a dogmatic individual might make is: “I don’t need any additional information because I have all that I need.” Discussions are usually one sided and turn into arguments which the know-it-all wins at the other’s expense. This is the individual who, as he/she goes up the success ladder, cuts off the rungs – they really don’t care if anyone is with them or not. It is as if to say: “I know exactly what to do here, so I’ll take care of it on my own.”

Open Mindedness – Even though you may know a lot about the issue at hand, reserve your comments until others have been able to offer their views/comments/ideas. If you want to reduce defensiveness, and be open minded, play devil’s advocate with all incoming information – “Let’s all come up with questions regarding the idea on the table, everyone come up with one strength and one shortcoming regarding the idea, let’s come away from the table with an even better idea than what we began with.” Being open minded reduces defensiveness.

Creating a positive work environment for yourself and others depends on satisfactory communications between people. Our goal should be to build people up in their skills and work results by practicing ego reinforcing behaviors and communications.

Lowell Habel has been focusing upon effective communication skills for the past twenty years in various capacities. As a corporate communications consultant, he works with employees at all levels to enhance their overall communication with others (one-to-one and group). Training is tailored to each employee’s specific needs and includes polishing existing communication skills, and/or developing additional ones which will increase job productivity and personal satisfaction. Mediation between supervisors and subordinates is an area of expertise. Focus areas often include: Active Listening, Conflict Resolution, Empowerment, Leadership, Customer Service, Team Building, Assertiveness and Nonverbal Communication. Recent organizations that have benefited from his training include ARCO, O’Melveny & Meyers, Home Depot, The Boeing Company, City of Los Angeles, City of Huntington Park, TRW, Wells Fargo Bank, Hughes Aircraft, Toyota Motor Sales, Nordstrom, TMT Engineering, Big Development, Sir Speedy Printing, Disneyland, Dharma Construction and Cedars Sinai.

Lowell enjoys speaking to business groups and local organizations. Recent speeches have been titled: Effective Leadership, Enhancing Creativity and Critical Thinking, Enhancing Customer Service, The Positive Effects of Assertiveness, The Impact of our Communication Upon our Children. Over the past year, Lowell has conducted five all day workshops entitled Dealing with Difficult People Tactfully

Lowell is a graduate of the University of California, Santa Barbara, with a Master’s Degree in Communication.